yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Can I color on your dick again?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
