My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
