Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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