Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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