It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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