I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
