I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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