I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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