I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
