The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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