I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
