I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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