He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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