It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
