Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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