its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
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