we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
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I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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