Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
