Your dad touched me again.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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