I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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