just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
