Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
