wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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