MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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