8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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