He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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