UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sext me about skeletons
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
