Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize