he wants to bone in the snuggie
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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