So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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