Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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