If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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