he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
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It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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