my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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