She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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