I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
