I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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