Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
