like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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