Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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