i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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