no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
