I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
