I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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