Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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