apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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