weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
