what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
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