My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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