if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
