I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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