help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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