so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
