Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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