Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
