I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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