the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
