woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
