I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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