I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
