so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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