I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
