i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
