The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am one with the molecules
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
