At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
