my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
