it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
