i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
if only i could text you this smell
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
