Me too!
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
