he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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