One girl and one boy is just not enough.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
