man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
