Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize