U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
