She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
