I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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